I had a really beautiful and healing experience with The Spirit Molecule in the pale twilight hours of this morning. I feel more centered and peaceful than I have in a long time, and I’m so thankful to have been gifted the messages that were revealed to me.
I decided to indulge my curiosities surrounding oil pulling tonight, which is the detoxifying Ayurvedic oral hygiene practice of swishing 1 tbsp of coconut/sesame/vegetable based oil around your mouth for 20 minutes, and is to be followed by a good saltwater rinse. The whole routine sounds a little odd, and there are unforeseen things to consider, like the fact that spitting into your sink may cause plumbing issues, or that the amount of fluid in your mouth doubles as it draws in saliva and toxins, so you wind up with a gob full of oil and dissolved bacteria. But as strange as the concept came across, 3,000 years worth of rave reviews, the impressive list of health benefits, the idea of an effective, eco-friendly, all-natural mouthwash, sold me.
In one of the testimonials I read, the writer went for a teaspoon of oil on her first night (instead of the normal tablespoon) just to let herself get used to the process and taste, so I thought I’d do the same. Because I don’t have any organic coconut oil on hand, I went for sesame, and was pleasantly surprised by how mellow the flavor was. For 20 minutes, I dinked around online, “pushing” and “pulling” it through my teeth (gently, now, it’s a long enough process you don’t want to go hard and wind up with a sore jaw 10 minutes in). Over the course of my sesame swish, It DEFINITELY grew in volume, and I’m kind of wary about tomorrow’s full-sized experience, but also excited to see how my body reacts over time.
A Train of Thought // 3.25.14 // 1:02 a.m.
Someone once told me that my name means “patience,” which is pretty high up there on the list of the most ironic things about my life. To be honest, I struggle to stay focused and remain committed to things if I can’t see/feel/create results quickly, and find myself easily frustrated and discouraged when a skill doesn’t come naturally.
I become moody wheninsecure, I let my relationships slide to the back burner, and I have the tendency to become irrationally upset, upon which I will board up my windows and allow this body to quietly fill with anxiety. I can’t see the long term, there is only this moment, and it hurts. My history is a graveyard of half-stabs, forgotten attempts, doused fires, and abandoned ships.
But when I am into something? It’s out of control. I’m relentless, animal, obsessive, a woman posessed, even kinda comical in the hungry pursuit of my target, be it a hobby, a topic of interest, or an experience. I know nothing of moderation, I have all the time in the world, and my mind blissfully lost in the chase. I feel capable in my niche, and to that nourishing vein of strength I cling, because I need that feeling… I really fucking need it. And that’s the funny thing about capturing my attention, it’s like flicking a switch. On or off, electric or vacant, all or nothing. And I am so sorry that I made you feel like a Nothing.
Ok, so as I was coming up on acid at Lucky, someone stumbled through the crowd, looked at me, did a double-take, hugged me, and cried “JENNA!? I THOUGHT YOU LIVED IN CHICAGO!” then staggered away.
WHO ARE YOU?
Off to Seattle to party my brains out at Lucky 2014! Whoaaaa my God, the excitement hasn’t even fully set in yet. Really excited to be hitting the road with Brando, Derek, & Michael, it’s going to be the big-brother-iest of badass roadtrips, and I’m the only girl, so I’ve gotta play sassy lil’ mama and keep ‘em in line. SEA ain’t ready for us PDX’ers.
By 9 am, I was awake and at home, had changed from last night’s clothes into blissfully comfortable yoga gear, started a pot of coffee, swapped out 2 loads of laundry, hand-dried my delicates, stretched, poured myself a green juice & cup of tea, and started a batch of pancakes. I am a night owl through and through, but occasionally, a foggy, cozy, morning comes along and leaves a really lovely impression on me.
Not realizing my father had to leave earlier than usual for work, I took a fat dab or two and made a big breakfast (vegan cinnamon pancakes with bananas, pb & syrup; southwestern style tofu scramble, rustic sourdough toast with a little dish of warm ragu, and fresh pineapple), which I’m very excited to finish for lunch. I’m going to be on my best productive good girl behavior today, and put some solid effort into being responsible. The endless search for a better job will likely dominate the largest chunk of my attention span, then it’s probable that I’ll wander outside.
The blanket of clouds that had shrouded the city this morning has lifted, and a warm sunny glow has taken it’s place. I’m wishing I’d nicked a hoop from Alex’s last time I was there, it’s such a beautiful day, and I want to work on improving my flow before festival season. I’m supposed to be participating in a physical activity daily for preventative care & stress-management reasons, but I’m getting a little restless in my routine.
The second round of auditions for the gogo team I tried out for in December is apparently coming up, so that’s been sitting at the back of my mind as well. To be totally honest, though, this isn’t exactly the scene I’m really looking to dance in. The local club that most frequently hires girls from the team brings in a really creepy crowd, and as I’m becoming more involved with Whiskey Bar and Blacklords’ events as well as running their social media, it’s becoming clear that I want a bigger piece of influence, participation, and satisfaction than being just a dancer typically permits. I’m really into the work I’m doing, and as time goes on, who knows where it could lead. As for now, my breakfast is lulling me into nap mode, and productivity gets to wait.